Day Five

Day 5 opens with the weigh in. Of course it does.

Me: Ha ha! I read the owner’s manual, I don’t have to take your fat percentage bullshit anymore.
Scale: you’ve lost 3.3 lbs total.
Me: That’s what I thought bitch!
Scale: You know it’s just water weight right?
Me: Duh, regardless the number is getting LOWER and that’s the entire point!

These conversations with my scale each morning really do happen in my head, hand to God.

Recap of Grass & Avocado consumption:
2 hard-boiled eggs (I’m lazy when it comes to eggs and will only prepare them one way for myself)
green tea
water
fat fist full of olives
grapefruit w/salt
chicken w/olives, cucumber, egg and tomato over crunchy water (see also: lettuce)
apple
3ish ounces of pork
chicken sausage, olives, pine nuts, shallot, yellow pepper (left over that didn’t fit in the squash I made for tomorrows “feast”)
water w/water and ice that melted into more water

I feel like trumpets should sound to celebrate that I’ve made it this far without a) shanking someone b) hallucinating that my cats are delicious delicious ice cream cones rather than the furry pillows with eyes that they really are. What’s truly bizarre to me is that my cravings are things I NEVER ate before, marshmallows, ice cream, graham crackers WTF Detox? Seriously…and even more bizarre and to be honest, disturbing, is that I haven’t craved beer yet. Usually, beer is the first craving I have when I cut out crap and alcohol. I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW ME ANYMORE!!!!


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