Day Eighteen

Since I have absolutely nothing to whine about today in regards to this cleanse let’s talk instead about the utterly insane Happy Hour Hot Topics  I survived tonight.

Oh.

My.

Hell.

Foreshadowing Incident The First: Crazy Bitches be coming out of the internet and showing up to join the group. We have had 3. THREE! Women find us on the web and want to join us. The Dreamer has no concern for our well-being and just invites them along with no background check. Last night two of these randoms took part.

Foreshadowing Incident The Second: The Dreamer invited a mother-in-law type person and her 5 girlfriends.

Foreshadowing Incident The Third:  The Dreamer’s boyfriend’s business partner was there. He and I agree on nothing except stripper poles. (We’ll call him Old Dude)

(DO YOU SEE HOW MANY RANDOMS THERE WE’RE??? – 4 Go to Girls vs. 8 Randoms. Not numbers that I am pleased with at all. Especially without alcohol.)

Foreshadowing Incident The Fourth: Magic Booty Call was there to provide the male perspective. Old ladies LOVE Magic Booty Call.

Things to consider: Going forward the older ladies and the old dude will be referred to as the Been There Done That Club. The two randoms will be called the Randoms natch. Also, I can’t make this shit up! OH! Remember 3 of the 4 Go to Girls are 100% sober during this insanity.

When I arrive the Been There Done That Club is already shit-faced and quickly approaching butt-wasted. Introductions are made and I find myself sandwiched between the Old Dude and the newest Random. Newest Random immediately tells me she’s lonely and broke, she leaves out crazy but I can smell it on her. Old Dude ignores. For now.

We start answering questions and it becomes clear that the Been There Done That Club isn’t really in touch with anything that isn’t in their hand and full of alcohol and all are suffering greatly from dementia. Thank the devil we only had a few questions to suffer through.

We moved on to Magic Booty call blowing everyone’s mind (what’s left of some) with some incredible tricks. If The Been There Done That Club weren’t outfitted in Spanx and granny panties I’m sure a few pair would’ve been tossed his way. Meanwhile on my side of the table we’ve got one Random getting drunk enough to leave her sweater and purse in the ladies when she heads home,  the other vibrating with excitement from just not being at home! alone! and broke! , and me trying my damnedest to not shove my pen into my neck to stop the pain.

Spoiler Alert: I didn’t stab myself or drink.

At some point – the night takes a turn for the is-this-really-fucking-happening; Magic Booty Call talks one of the ladies into not only doing a shot with him but also buying them. The shot of choice, Jager Bomb.

You guys I watched a 71-year-old woman do 2 possibly 3  Jager Bombs, suck face with Old Dude and then stumble to the bathroom to puke her face off. It was horrible and awesome all at the same time.

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