My Weekend in Six Hundred+ Words

Well you guys, I didn’t forget how to drink while abstaining in January. I believe I killed all but two brain cells this weekend and they are apparently still a tad tipsy because I cannot recall for the life of me what we did Friday night. I know there was alcohol involved and that I did not sleep at home, but the details on how that came to be completely escape me right now.

Saturday we went to the Seafood & Wine Festival. Do not let the name fool you, the seafood portion of the festival is incredibly lacking. The best food vendor by far is Canby Asparagus Farm. Their tamales are legendary. Their tamales are not seafood. However, what the Seafood & Wine Fest lacks in food from any water source, it makes up for in wine and random vendors that have no business being at a festival of this nature. Examples: Amazing Siding and Windows and Scentsy. I know people get drunk and buy stupid shit (I got a new hat!) so Scentsy kind of makes sense, but I have never once gotten wasted and thought “You know what we need? Some fucking siding!” I hope I never do.

I made a deal that if I didn’t have to drive to Portland I would navigate us home, therefore I only enjoyed two glasses of wine. And while this may seem a little sad seeing as how it was a festival about wine, I also didn’t fall and I wasn’t the one to shout a little too loudly in the vicinity of a non-pregnant woman “no way that one is pregnant!” so at least there was a silver lining.

I then navigated us straight to Club 205. OHMYGOD I just remembered what we did Friday!! Jesus. More on that later.

So anyway, Club 205, I did too many shots, received a lap dance and then poured the four of us in a cab. Good times! At what was to be our final destination, The Instigator decided that he and WMFS were nowhere near done for the night so they took another cab out to downtown Vancouver. The Instigator got cut off at Main Event by a rogue bouncer with a power trip and a Sharpie. I’m so sorry I missed that.

So back to Friday! I remember! We went to Tom’s Pizza and I had my first Tanquerey and Tonic of the year. It was so good I had 2 more and followed those up with 2 doubles at Shanahan’s. Needless to say, I didn’t drive home. Instead we headed to The BFF’s so the boys could play Black Ops. On the way there we learned that a Volvo S40 can do 110-115 miles an hour and you barely even notice! Amazing!

Note to anyone that may ever drive me and WMFS home: Let WMFS ride shotgun. He’ll give you wise advice such as, “maybe doing 110 down SR-14 isn’t a great idea right now”. I on the other hand will screech at you “LET’S JUMP IT!”

As you can imagine I felt awesome on Saturday morning.

Sunday was obviously the Super Bowl Party. I had barely made it in the door at 2:00 before I was handed a shot of whipped vodka. I finally stopped drinking and passed out around 4:00 am.

I think we finally made it to Shany’s for food around 2 Monday afternoon. Oh the conversations we have hung over/getting re-buzzed. A few of my favorites:

He’d keel over while putting and I’d choke on his tongue while trying to resuscitate him.

Thank god they only give vaginas to people qualified to operate one. If you had one you’d stuff everything in there. No I do not look at random objects and wonder if I should put it in my vag or not.

New holiday! The day after Super Bowl will now be known as Vagina Stuffing Day!

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and had a great Vagina Stuffing Day!

    • Bailey
    • February 8th, 2011


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