How to Lose Your Mind In Three Easy Steps

  1. Lose wallet.
  2. Fall into wormhole of DMV vs. credit union vs. common fucking sense.
  3. Do this on the most cheese whiz of holidays.

I completely forgot that yesterday was Valentine’s Day until I hit Facebook late yesterday afternoon. For one, celebration of this holiday is usually avoided. We tried celebrating one year; WMFS made a whip ass lobster dinner that ended romantically  with The BFF calling because another friend had just been pulled over for DUI. We scrambled to find pants in order to rescue the friend if necessary and pick-up The BFF  at Charlie’s. Only to arrive and find he had also called his ex-girl friend, who seemed about as pleased as we were to find him 3 shots deep at the bar. Happy VD to us all!

The other time we acknowledged the holiday was to specifically not celebrate it as The BFF decided to have a poorly timed third date with a crazy he met on Match. Somehow this crazy convinced me to attend his soccer game with her because she didn’t want to look crazy sitting by herself. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it wasn’t attending the soccer game, it was that she was already asking him to drive to Montana with her that made her certifiable. After the game, three of us headed to Charlie’s; guess who didn’t show up for the first hour of hell? The BFF. Instead WMFS and I sat there and listened to her ramble about how he could be the one and depending on where it goes she would move out of Portland and transfer to her company’s Vancouver location. The following month (cuckoo!). Although I have to give The BFF credit…we got her drunk, listened to the crazy and then he showed up, took her home and nailed her. Kinda brilliant.

Nothing can top those two Valentine’s day adventures so I see no reason to try. I stuffed my food hole with homemade Pho, wine, and Trazadone. And it was glorious.

I hope that however you chose to celebrate the holiday it was worth it!. Because let’s be honest, Valentine’s Day is actually about banging lonely sluts, or trading sappy cards and shiny bling for the elusive BJ. You’re always on one end of that transaction if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day!


    • Nikki
    • February 15th, 2011

    So you are telling me never to talk about driving across the country until at least the 4th date???

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